I'll never stop appreciating everything my mother is.

Today I made a remarkable breakthrough with my mother, about something that I have been wanting her to recognize and understand for herself. You see, she has always requested my effort into fixing things with my younger sister, no matter how many times she has hurt me and no matter the fact that she was the cause of distress in our relationship. Before, I would try and try- I would do anything I could to make things more normal, because it's what my mother wanted and I knew that it would make her happy. But every time I was set up for failure, all of my effort thrown in my face. Today, she requested that I try again since my sister and I haven't spoken a word since she left for college. I whole heatedly explained the pain I go through each time I try and get knocked down, how I have learned from experience and now I've just given up. I told her that I understood why she had these expectations of me. I'm her oldest daughter and therefore I should be the better person, the better role model. I told her I couldn't do it anymore because of fear. And right then she realized it. She said, "I have asked you a lot to try with your sister. And you have tried. Maybe it's time I ask her to try." It was the most wonderful feeling for my mother to finally understand how I felt about all this. It's hard for her to understand sometimes and I realize that. But I know now that if I keep trying to explain the facts, she will begin to see. And her sight is all that I could ever ask for.