Blockage. There needs to be a push to the flow, so that the water can continue to perpetuate down the stream. Everything is cyclic and ever-moving. Any pauses or interruptions may prove to be mistakes that will be difficult to deal with in the future. My future. Grim and foggy as it looks currently, there are light areas populated with love and happiness. But beyond that there is nothing. And if there is nothing, I won't be anything. Useless. Dead weight. The strive for nothing. Desperation: a toothy, snarling creature with it's gangly, razor claws gingerly clamped around my brain. Corrupting it and taking it over, leaving no other room for other more important emotions that would enable me to decide. Decisions, decisions. Choices. Too great an obstacle to gather my frantic and terrified self to choose. More waiting makes the creature impatient, so it holds its grip tighter sometimes to remind me of what I'm supposed to do. I fear and fear and fear. I just need something to lift the spell that has been placed. I need a clear head and guidance.
"Careers are a 20th century invention and I don't want one."
How I wish that it was as easy as that. As much as I want to, I can't just up and disappear, become a leather tramp hippie and depend on nature and a single backpack filled with essentials. It'd be a comfortable, peaceful life, but society these days frowns upon outrageous or spontaneous dreams like that. And as much as I absolutely hate society's take on anything, it isn't a sensible lifestyle. You need guts and strong will to be able to live that way. And I just don't have that. I'd much rather spend my time appreciating the natural beauty of this world, but I know that I wouldn't have the courage to do what the late Christopher McCandless did. I'll just have to be an odd songbird in a city of fools, finding my way through this corrupt ridden society.
No comments:
Post a Comment