Lonely Tuesdays

I dread Tuesdays. Just when I get through one and continue through the week content as ever, another one likes to spring on me ready to attack. They should be permanently removed from the week. Who's going to miss them anyway? It's a day more insignificant than a Wednesday. Well, at least to me. I don't mean to sound selfish, but the only reason why I detest Tuesdays is because this is the only day out of the week when I'm away from the person that means everything to me. I'm sure he doesn't feel the same way about Tuesdays, he has this great feature in his mind that allows him to keep his head up no matter what's happening that day. I wish I had that. It'd be great to be able to appreciate free time rather than resent it. But I resent it because I can't stand being alone. I hate the feeling more than most other things. And I know exactly when it creeps up on me too. It's the quietness and the no signs of life around me that stirs it up. There's this heavy feeling in my heart and eyes. The ample step to my walk. And worst of all, the dazing. I sometimes sit and just stare. Daze. Thinking about nothing, thinking about everything. Thinking about how much I wish I had some sort of human companionship right there next to me. But I know all this could be much more difficult if I didn't have my trusty chihuahua with me. She's actually curled up next to me as I write, twitching in her slumber. I don't know where I'd be without this dog. She's been there for me when no human being could. In my darkest, loneliest times, she's been there. I owe her everything for that.

[Picture taken by my sister]

On Tuesdays such as this one, I try reasonably hard to find something to keep myself busy with. I mostly end up failing at this, but I've been successful on a few occasions when my mind didn't drift on something or when my eyes didn't begin to stare at something imaginary. Reading, watching a movie or t.v., facebook, surfing the web, and now recently, blogging. I tolerated Tuesdays a little better when I worked in the evenings. That way I only had to go half a day thinking about how much I missed my baby. I wonder if he misses me on these days as intensely as I miss him. He has things to keep him busy so I'm sure it's not as extreme. I'm not sure why I'm so dependent on human companionship now, I never was before. In my younger years, all I knew was loneliness. I had "friends" who enjoyed using me to benefit themselves, people who found it entertaining to taunt me, and only a couple people I could actually call friends. I'm guessing now that I finally have someone stable in my life, someone who isn't going to go anywhere or use me for his gain, I know that I'm not alone anymore. I'm finally not alone anymore. So it's only natural when these lonely Tuesdays come around and dig up that familiar feeling I had always known before, that I feel this way.