That's Me, the Fool

After all this time you're still the same. You'd think that after months of pain you put me through, you'd try to make it up to me. Guess not.

Yeah.

I'm terrified and excited to attend orientation for my new job tomorrow, it's a really strange high. I hope it all goes well and they like me. After all, they chose me out of a few people. There must have been something in me that they liked. I keep thinking about this weird scenario in my head that after a few months or a year working there, I'll go up to the manager who hired me and ask, "What made you pick me to hire?" I've always been really curious as to why someone chose me whenever I got a new job. I don't know if I'd ever ask though. On another note . . .

If you're skinny-fat, what exactly does that make me? I had no idea the term even existed. I guess it's just another modern invention to make the rest of us feel like crap.

Take THAT, crappy economy!

Finally- a well deserved break! I can freaking live again. I can stop worrying about bills and college. I can stop worrying about disappointing people. Three months of stress, endless self hatred, and a whole lot of hard work, and it all doesn't even matter anymore.

I got a job.

How can something so simple cause such a hindrance in life when you don't have it? Well, it does. And as easy as a pain it can be without it, it can easily be something freeing when you get it. Bliss is all I see, a weight that has over welcomed it's stay has finally lifted and I feel oh so free. I am determined to impress the people I will work with. I'm going to be the best that I can be, because all of my hard work to get where I am has payed off.

Unhappiness is Forged

I'm unhappy with myself a lot of times. Don't know why I've always been such a downer about myself. It'd be easier to just . . . not be. But many years have cemented the habit in my head and I know it's impossible for me to think otherwise. It's even more unbearable observing others who are exactly what I want to be. It's almost crushing, and I wonder why it is that they get to be that way and I can't.

1. I wish I was skinny.
2. I wish I had the money to dress the way I want.
3. I wish I had the creativity to dress the way I want.
4. I wish I had a job.
5. I wish I could decide my future career.
6. I wish I had more manageable hair.
7. I wish I didn't live in a dump where people get shot and raped all the time.
8. I wish I had my own dog and cat.
9. I wish I was more confident.
10. I wish I was more crafty and artistic.

11. I wish I was a better writer.

Woe is me, right? It could be so much worse. I could have no legs and an eye patch. But come on, everyone's got things they wish they could change about themselves. It isn't a crime nor tragedy, and I understand that if you want things changed you've got to do it yourself. However, some things are just unchangeable.

Ratty Updates

So the boys have become massive compared to their baby forms a few months ago. However, the three of us have run into a bit of a rough patch. I asked Rat Forum about my specific problems and they were quite helpful. I'm going to try the ideas they gave me for a while to see if there will be any improvement on their behavior. On another note, their cage needs some revamping/remodeling. It's a little to boring for their tastes, lol.

Voilà

Here it is folks- the lime shrimp avocado pasta salad I've been bragging about making. I haven't tried it yet, just sampled the flavor, and I think it's gonna be tasty. This is where I got the recipe.