"Love was always cruel."

Before I met you, I had already come to terms with myself that I might as well get used to being happy alone. This is a white blank page and a swelling rage for showing me the glorious glimmer of hope but then painfully snatching that away.

We were the same. We knew not of the warmth of love and it's beauty, we hadn't a clue of companionship and dependability, and most unfortunately of all we knew too much of something called loneliness. It had started as an idea planted inside our unsuspecting heads. Young and naive as we were, we accepted it. We were two explorers who had stumbled upon precious, undiscovered territory. Most of what was happening in reality I cannot recall because I used to live in a blissful reverie. The effects of the idea had done it's way with me, so I was often lost in my pool of thoughts, my head swollen with imagery of the future. I realize now though that we had taken the idea two very different ways. He had kept it at that: just an idea, while my mind flooded with all sorts of possibilities. You would cast your line out knowing that I'd be reeled in every single time. And when I waited for your line or coaxed it myself, you wouldn't cast. I see now that you desired my attention but denied my affections. Both of our plants had been watered with misconceptions and shined down on by mediocrity. The ending result sprouted two artificial flowers. I plucked that fake flower from my head and gave it a home inside my heart. And I took great care of that stupid little flower. So tell me now where was my fault, in loving you with my whole heart. You had left your own plastic flower dying in your head because you were beginning to see again- the reality. But the way you viewed this reality was irrational in my eyes. You designed an excuse that wouldn't permit us. I didn't want to believe your change in heart until it finally broke through my reverie and shattered it. I was thrown into inner chaos, and the sham had spread an illness in my heart I had never known before. I had never carried something so heavy in my life. And my fake flower I had looked after for so long- it crumbled and died. You did not think when you sent me to the brink. My face had become someone else's, my vision gray and unfocused. I despised the taste of food and observed my frame shrinking as the days passed oh so slow. I had stopped caring about everything. I was losing myself and I didn't know how to stop it. There was a design, an alignment, a cry of my heart to see, the beauty of love as it was made to be. I know we had been nothing more than an idea, but it had brought me into that circle of happiness where everyone else was gathered. I just wanted to be part of that.

Awake my soul. But oh happy day, when I should feast my eyes upon a real live angel with the purest of blue eyes. In that moment, I knew. I knew that none of what I was going through mattered. I knew that the anguish was necesarry, that my suffering was life's way of making me hold out a little longer- so that I could meet the one whom I'd be with for the rest of my life. The one who would save me from my sorrows. I had finally discovered the answer I had been searching for, that love, it will not betray you, dismay or enslave you, it will set you free. You were incredibly persistent and patient with my troubles, and if you hadn't come along, I don't think that I would have gotten better so quickly. To the other, I only say this: Weep for yourself, my man, you'll never be what is in your heart. Weep little lion man, you're not as brave as you were at the start. Take all the courage you have left, wasted on fixing all the problems that you made in your own head. Frightened. You were a frightened mouse, stunned with fear when you realized you were getting close to someone. That sudden withdrawal killed me more than you will ever know. You need to learn to accept the fact that where you invest your love, you invest your life. If you cannot accept this truth, perhaps it was best that you did not pursue me. Fear got the best of you dear, and now you are alone.