I know now to never fall in love. Because it only brings a crippling pain not experienced before. I can only describe it as falling and then trying to catch your breath or perhaps even drowning in the blackest sea. Of course, there were great things to this human experience too, but I'm not yet sure if they outweigh the bad. I will miss some things, and other things I will not. I've set myself up for denial, but as the year passes I know that all at once the pain will rush at me like a thousand stampeding boars. The pain, I feel, will be much greater than the pain of loneliness I have experienced.
For that reason, and much bigger ones, there is no one else. There will be no one else to fill the space. I will fill it on my own, on a new course of loneliness. The knights may come, but I will refuse each one of them. All I wanted was you.
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