I feel staked to this cold ground which has forsaken me. I do not know where to go, what to do. I am totally and completely blank, a lost cause to my own self. I attended a college graduation ceremony today and the speaker's words were a bad taste in my mouth I just wanted to spit out. All lies, nothing they said is that easy. Or perhaps everything they said didn't pertain to me at all. It was like listening to someone speak a foreign language, and only those in the colors of their school could understand the meaning. Those lucky enough to taste sweet success could hear the syllables roll off the tongue and understand every signifcant meaning of their futures. Not me, for as of right now I have none. It is the most frightening realization I have come to know.
People wonder why I'm always a ball of stress ready to explode at any given time. Well, here's why: because all my life nothing has ever gone right. The stress is necessary to cushion the expected disappointment. It's sort of a twisted coping mechanism. It can't be healthy mentally, but I've done it for as long as I can remember.
Happiness seems so distant now, and all I know is self hatred and stress. Will I ever find normalcy? Or is this it for me?
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