Cheer

People have Christmas all wrong. It's not about the Black Friday sales, the gifts, or the perfectly hosted party. It's about how the first snow falls gently on colorfully lighted houses. It's about the carols that bring joy and cheer. It's about being with family, friends, loved ones- and cherishing every moment of it.

Society is so blind these days. So greedy. So rude. It makes me sad.

"So I was lost. Go count the cost before you go."

As quickly as you came, you went. So it goes again and again. That connection is gone, and I feel such unbearable pain when I see the truth in front of me. I was watching old home videos of us from several years back, way before all of this. We were being stupid and goofy, singing along to ridiculous songs. Pictures we took together. Old videos from your dance recitals that I took. I'd say we were close to being best friends, regardless of our many sisterly fights. You'll never know how much I miss those days, how much I miss our pointless fights, how much I'd give up anything to get those back in exchange for this one.

I think about you a lot, too much for my own insanity. I cry a lot. Simply falling to pieces while you live your happy, perfect life in Campaign is what crushes me the most. I've been forgotten by my baby sister and she loathes me. And the only reason why I reveal all this is because I know that you don't care enough to read any of this anymore.

I wonder if we'll ever be the same.

Untitled

I honestly believe that I may be the only person in the world with the capability of deeply caring about other people. I observe others with distaste and notice how selfish they are. How blind. The state of the human race truly is upsetting. I sacrifice everything for people I love, so much so, that I have even become selfish to myself. Sometimes I wish I didn't care so much and I wish that I could be even more selfish, so that I can be happy like the rest of the world.

I suppose that this could all tie into my loneliness. For the majority of my life, I was in the darkest and scariest, loneliest place. Now that I've found at least one person, I cling when he leaves me. I don't want to go back. It's not fair to him, I realize. I can't help myself, as much as a horrid excuse that is. Somewhere in my head thinks that if I do anything I can for people, maybe they won't leave me. Maybe I won't be alone. My mind has been permanently scarred, I believe, and when I try to explain the confusing things I do I feel like an idiot.