Nothing Will Ever Change

It's been a while since I've been this...disconnected. It's not like I time these things or expect them to happen. If anything I try to avoid it completely. But I feel too much, care too much to suppress my total and utter sadness. It's rather frustrating, but part of who I am. I find myself sobbing by myself sometimes, about what I couldn't say. Perhaps I sob for my own self pity, because I'm just that ridiculous. No, I don't think so. I sob because I'm lonely in a crowd of people. I sob because I can't even trust those closest to me to understand me and keep me from falling deeper and deeper into a shithole. I sob because I can talk all day about the sadness I feel and none of it subsides. I sob because I feel like the people closest to me don't take my mental pain seriously enough. I sob because I have people who tell me they care about me but do nothing to show for it. And maybe I'm just a big whiner, who knows. But this is the truth that no one else cares to know.